


if you had only gave me time, i swear i could have told ya

by massivdisaster



Category: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: ? - Freeform, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Scorpion King appearance, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, albus has Big Anxiety, albus is sad, gets a little steamy at some points but nothing explicit, i promise it isn't super bad though, it gets MUCH worse before it gets better, james sirius potter best brother ever, maybe a tiny mention of suicidal thoughts if you squint super hard, potter sibling love, potter siblings best siblings, scorpius is kind of a dick for a bit, sort of homophobia if you squint?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:07:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23413546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/massivdisaster/pseuds/massivdisaster
Summary: “It’s—it’s more complicated than that, Albus, please try to understand—”“All I’m hearing is that I’ve lost my best friend, for good. There’s no complication to that.”Albus stood up, grabbing his bag. Scorpius winced, dropping his head, looking ashamed—at least he had the decency for that.“I don’t have a choice, Albus, please...”His voice echoed in the hallway as Albus stormed off. Scorpius sounded broken again, sad, as if Albus leaving was the end of him. Maybe it was. But knowing that Scorpius wasn’t even going to attempt to make things right anymore, knowing that at every turn he’d lost his best friend...it hurt too much.ORsomething happened during christmas break their sixth year, and albus has lost his best friend for good.
Relationships: Scorpius Malfoy/Albus Severus Potter, Scorpius Malfoy/Original Female Character, Scorpius Malfoy/Rose Weasley
Comments: 4
Kudos: 96





	if you had only gave me time, i swear i could have told ya

Albus detested parties. He really did. They were horrible, awful and loud, cramped in such an uncomfortable way. He stood out in a normal room, people giving him a large berth when they saw him coming, but when it was crowded he didn’t have enough room to step away so people could only shoot him nasty looks over their shoulders and down their noses. Yes, he hated parties, he hated that everyone’s group was so closed off from him, hated how he felt alone. 

Scorpius, he thought, hated parties as well. Most nights found him wall-hugging, nursing a full cup of punch for hours, wincing when he felt the music pulse through him. Albus wasn’t allowed to stand next to him, according to James. James was under the impression that if Albus and Scorpius detached from each other they would mesh with the rest of the population better. That was hardly the case. 

Until a few weeks ago. 

This weekend, it wasn’t Scorpius wall-hugging, but Albus. He watched with a bitter taste in his mouth as Scorpius ran around the room, blending in easily, stuck on Rose’s arm. Rose never helped Albus like she did Scorpius, and Albus had a sinking feeling he knew why. She fancied Scorpius, of course. She thought helping him would win his favor. Normally Albus would have disagreed, but the grin encapturing Scorpius’s face was too bright to deny. He loved it. He loved the attention, having a buddy to pair with who already had other friends, loved being slid into inside jokes and catapulted into new conversations with better people. He didn’t even notice that Albus wasn’t next to him, and certainly didn’t notice when Albus broke the cup he was holding and stalked out of the Gryffindor common room, shoving people out of the way. The painting slammed shut behind him, effectively cutting off every sound from the party, leaving him in a deafeningly quiet hallway. 

It had started a few months ago, after Christmas break. Scorpius had come back holding his head a little higher, his shoulders further back, and his face stoic. He was short with Albus the entire train ride, and for the first few days of classes as well. Albus missed his best friend and wanted to chat about everything that had happened over Christmas: his father's new position, his mother’s fancy award she’d received, his Uncle Charlie’s crazy dragon stories, James’s new Quidditch offer... But Scorpius wasn’t listening to him and cut Albus off more than he ever had before. All he wanted to talk about were mundane things like classes or homework, or he’d rather be sitting in silence. It weighed on Albus, keeping his chest heavy, and finally he figured out that Scorpius just didn’t want to talk to him anymore. The next week, Albus didn’t speak to Scorpius at all. Scorpius didn’t speak back. 

Then suddenly two months had passed, it was nearly April, and his best friend since he was eleven had replaced him. He tried to pretend he wasn’t bothered. 

“Go on, to bed with you! Ridiculous, honestly, staring as if they haven’t got anything better to do…”

Albus shook himself out of his stupor, apologizing to the paintings and dashing back to the Slytherin dorm as fast as he could without drawing attention to himself. Scorpius never came back on party nights, so he set up a Lumos and pulled out a book he’d been meaning to catch up on, recommended by his brother Teddy. It was good, certainly, and before Albus knew it he was almost halfway through the book. 

A noise startled him from his reading frenzy though. The door to the room slammed open, and Albus was glad he’d had enough forethought to pull his curtains closed when he sat down. He could distinctly hear wet sounds and gasps coming from the doorway and he cringed, hoping whoever it was would climb in bed with his bird and set the silencing charms. He didn’t even realize Carter or PJ had gone to the party, but the only other person that resides in the room was—

“Scorpius—“

That was Rose’s voice, and Albus’s stomach dropped. 

“‘sfine, don’t worry.”

“But what if Albus—“

“He’s still at the party, don’t worry, c’mon. As loud as you need to be.”

Rose keened and Albus nearly vomited. He heard them stumble to the bed, imagining quietly the way Scorpius’s hands would be running up her back, under her skirt, the way his throat would stretch as he whispered into her ear—

He thought, belatedly, he should have made his presence known before now, because if he tried to leave now he was sure he’d get an eyeful of something awful. He tried to shut down his imagination, tried to remember a spell to block out their sounds, but his wand was outside his curtains as well, so he just shut his eyes and tried not to imagine the way Scorpius was leaning over her, grunting loudly as he probably—

It wasn’t more than a few minutes until the grunting ceased and they had started to talk in low whispers. There was no more movement. But Albus was afraid it would start again, and he’d have to hear round two, so he made up his mind, grabbed his wand and book and shoved through his curtains, deliberately not looking at Scorpius’s bed. 

The idiot had left his curtains open. He heard both of them gasp and one of them started to apologize, but he slammed the door to his room with enough force to knock it off its hinges, effectively waking up a good portion of the dorm. But he didn’t care. He felt hot and bothered, not in a good way. He was pissed. His best friend...his  _ ex _ best friend hadn’t even noticed he’d gone. His ex best friend was hooking up with his cousin, had been for god knows how long, and…

He made his way to the owlery, somehow managing to not get caught, and stayed there reading until the sun came up.

—

The next morning, he skipped breakfast and made his way to the Gryffindor tower. Polly Chapman was leaving as he walked up and she gave him a look, but held the painting open for him silently and he nodded gratefully. Instinctively, he headed up to Lily’s room, knowing that even if she was busy she could make time for her brother. 

“Al!”

“Albus,” he grunted, engulfing her in a hug when she opened the door. She froze before hugging him back tightly, not even needing to ask before she pulled him to her bed and started a movie. Somehow she’d maneuvered his head into her lap and she played with his hair, something their mother had always done for them as children, and he slowly let himself slip to sleep. 

When he woke, Lily was still playing with his hair, almost unconsciously. A book hovered in front of her and every few minutes she would flip the pages wordlessly. He saw after a moment it was his book from the night before. 

“Good, huh?”

“I needed something to do until you woke up.”

She sounded completely unbothered, glad, even, to have the company. 

“What timesit?”

“Nearly half two.”

He groaned, letting his eyes slip shut again. “Sorry.”

“Dyou wanna talk about it?”

He paused, rolling the idea around, before nodding a little. “Rose and...Rose and Scorp, last night, came back to the room. They were really loud.”

“So you didn’t get any sleep? What were they talking about?”

Lily was a fourth year. He knew she wasn’t stupid. She wanted to torture him. 

“They weren’t talking, exactly. And anyway, I left the room after round one.”

She went silent and he nodded at her unspoken question. 

“Good god.”

“Yeah.”

“I can grab you dinner, but after that you’ll need to clear out.”

“Think James would let me stay at his?”

“Worth a shot.”

After about an hour, Albus trudged over to the boys dorm, praying James wouldn't be obnoxious. One of his roommates opened the door and ran away as if he’d seen something smushed on a train track; Albus just ducked his head. 

“Al—Albie?”

Albus shrugged. “Can I stay the night? Don’t feel like going back to mine.”

He chanced a look at James, expecting him to make fun of him, but instead his older brother looked worried. The last time he’d worn this face was after the Adventure in fourth year; it had been over two years, but James had never looked as fiercely protective of Albus than he did right now. 

“Absolutely, come on. Gents, not a word from you. Albus is staying with us, so he’s one of us for the night. Be gentle.”

His roommates muttered in agreement, still clearly hungover. Albus just nodded gratefully. 

—

He didn’t make his way back to his shared room with Scorpius until Sunday night, when he knew Scorpius would be out studying. He shut himself in his curtains and prayed he wouldn’t be disturbed for the night. 

Luck, however, was not on his side. As soon as Scorpius returned he threw Albus’s curtains over and hopped onto the bed like he used to, when they were friends. Were they still friends? It didn’t feel like it. 

“Albus.”

The word sounded stilted coming out of Scorpius’s mouth, as if he’d forgotten how to say it in the two months since their silent feud began. Albus didn’t bother to look up. He didn’t bother to respond at all, actually. 

“Al, listen, hey. About, uh, about Friday night, I’m sorry. I swore I’d still seen you at the party and that we’d have the room to ourselves. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Will you accept my apology?”

That wasn’t the Scorpius that Albus knew. That was the scripted Malfoy act coming out, trying to be courteous and straightforward so people would forget about his family history. It was a page straight from his dad’s book; Albus recognized it immediately, as he’d never seen another side of Draco Malfoy. It was a copy-pasted technique straight onto his son. 

He still didn’t acknowledge Scorpius. He wanted to just forget it happened. But Scorpius would never let that happen.

“Albus, have you gone deaf?”

Albus just flicked his wand and the curtains opened, a not so subtle hint. Scorpius didn’t take it. 

“I’m not leaving till you accept my apology.”

Albus sighed to himself, gathering his book and wand and heading for the door. He felt Scorpius grab at him but he swung deftly out of the way, making sure the door shut firmly behind him. 

Had they been talking, Albus would have absolutely forgiven him. But that Scorpius was a stranger, it wasn’t his best friend, and therefore he had no reputation to fall back on with Albus. No brownie points. No reason for Albus to be kind to him. 

The door was yanked open behind him as he trodded down the stairs. “Albus, I was talking to you!”

He dodged his way around some of the first years who were staring at him. He knew the rumors would start soon, if they hadn’t already. He didn’t care. 

“Albus!”

Scorpius bounded down the stairs behind him, two at a time, nearly bowling over the underclassmen. 

“Hey!”

Albus dodged another one of Scorpius’s swipes, his knuckles going white with how tightly he was gripping his book. Why wasn’t Scorpius taking the hint?

He was almost to the exit of the common room when Scorpius caught up finally and shoved Albus against the wall, wand to his throat. He looked menacing, as if he did intend to hurt Albus for walking away, and Albus started to have flashbacks to the alternate universe Scorpius had once described—what was it they he called him? The Scorpion King?

“Albus, I mean it. Accept my apology.”

This wasn’t Scorpius speaking. It was the Scorpion King, in full glory.

Albus started to tremble under his intense gaze, his throat going dry. Scorpius looked as though he was contemplating murder. 

“ _ Albus _ .”

“I do, I accept, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please—“

Scorpius finally dropped his wand, stepping back. “Okay. Good.”

He turned just as Albus collapsed, a sob overtaking his body. It was too much. He’d officially lost his best friend, for good, and that was that. He didn’t have anything left. The way Scorpius had looked at him—cold, uncaring...as if he truly was a spare. Just another person to pretend to make amends with before he set to making a kingdom of his own. Albus ached for his old best friend, dorky and kind, loveable, happy...the one who would stay up all night talking with him to keep nightmares at bay, the one who rambled about minuscule details they learned in class, the one who held his hand when he cried about the Adventure, about watching Craig die…

As he cried, he knew the entirety of his house was watching him. He’d never bothered to call Hogwarts or Slytherin his home; if anything, his home had been Scorpius, a light in the darkness. But without that...what was he?  _ Who _ was he? He knew they’d talk tomorrow about how weak he was, not even being able to stand up to his so-called best friend. If nobody knew that was over yet, they would now. Best friends never treated each other that way. He curled himself up into as tight a ball as possible, begging to disappear, praying for someone to hear him and save him from this hellscape he’d been trapped in. He didn’t realize he was saying anything aloud until one of the second years knelt next to him and asked who he was apologizing to. He couldn’t respond; he just shook his head, his hands trembling, his vision going blurry. Someone must have taken pity on him and cast an anxiety-easing spell, working just long enough to help him to the infirmary, then letting him sob it out again. He didn’t know who would bother to help him, and he wasn’t sure he cared, as long as they knew how grateful he was. But he couldn’t find the words, at least not yet. He’d have to ask the nurses tomorrow. 

—

He awoke to someone saying some very harsh words over his head.

“...absolutely ridiculous you expect to send him back in this state! He still needs to recover, look at him—“

“Mr. Potter, I’m going to have to ask you to lower your voice!”

“And I’m going to have to ask you to take better care of my brother! It’s abysmal, the way you run this place, not letting anyone recover from a  _ panic attack _ in his own time…”

God, Albus loved his brother. If only he could find the words to say so. 

“J?”

“Albie, oh thank  _ god _ , are you alright? They sent one of the first years to come find me—petrified, he was, absolutely shitting his pants to have to go to the Gryffindor common room—they don’t know what happened, are you alright?”

Albus squeezed James’s hand lightly, realizing he barely had the strength to. 

“I...I’m alright.”

“What happened? Is this related to whatever happened yesterday?”

James looked so open, so earnest, it almost broke Albus’s heart. He smiled weakly and rolled to his side, so it felt like he and his brother had a bit more privacy.

“It...Scorpius…”

“What did he do? Are you two fighting?”

“...maybe?”

He explained, slowly and unsurely, what had been unravelling over the past few months, voicing things he didn’t even realize he was upset about. The way Scorpius would scoot his chair further away when they sat together in class. The way he didn’t hold the door open for Albus behind him, content to let it knock Albus in the face if he didn’t catch it. The way they never studied together, the way he laughed at Albus’s failing grades, the way he smirked when Albus did something stupid, like run into a table or trip up the stairs on his robe. Things that ordinarily they could have done together, how they were now completely separate, and Albus had no place anymore. The way he lost his best friend completely, but not slowly at all; one day Scorpius was there, the next he wasn’t.

James listened raptly, rubbing his thumb over Albus’s knuckles like their mum did, and nodded when necessary, harrumphing at Scorpius’s actions. It almost made Albus feel human again.

“...and then he...he tried to apologize, but I didn’t want to talk about it, so I tried to leave but he…”

Albus went silent for a long time. James squeezed his hand comfortingly, nodding.

“It’s okay, Albie, I promise.”

“...he pinned me to the wall, with his wand, and he threatened me? It just...it set off a lot of memories, and I think I had an anxiety attack, so…”

“Memories?”

He shifted, finally dropping his gaze away from James. “Of his other life. His...evil version, or whatever.”

James squeezed his hand again, tighter, as if to ground him. It nearly worked, but it came half a second too late; his brain started to spiral, focusing on the way Scorpius had stared at him, as if he was convinced the world was better off without Albus, as if he was contemplating the best way to take him out, as if––

“Albie, hey, deep breaths, it’s okay. I’m right here, I’m not going to let him hurt you.”

Right. Scorpius wasn’t there. James was. Albus took a shaky breath.

“S-sorry.”

“It’s okay, I promise. I’m going to protect you, as best as I can.”

Albus prayed he could learn to believe that soon.

—

James didn’t let Albus go back to the Slytherin house for three days. Classes were awkward, but most of his year understood something had happened, so he found himself with a new seat partner every class, from every house. They were fighting to include him, uncomfortable as they were, and it was...refreshing, maybe. Definitely not unwelcome. They weren’t nice, per se. The Ravenclaws in particular seemed to despise partnering with him because of how hard he struggled with reading comprehension, but they tried anyway. Even at meals they did their best to shield Albus from Scorpius, with varying degrees of result. The few times they’d run into each other Albus was almost immediately whisked away with nasty glares thrown Scorpius’s way.

But it was never the Scorpius from that night. It always looked like  _ his  _ Scorpius, his old best friend, trying to make amends, looking more worn down every time they couldn’t speak.

On Thursday, though, Albus walked into the Great Hall to see Rose and Scorpius sucking face at the Slytherin table. The entire room went silent when he walked in, waiting to see his reaction. James even hopped up from the Gryffindor table to catch his eye, asking what needed to be done. He looked  _ furious _ . Albus just sighed, looked around at everyone, turned around and left. He made it almost all the way to the bathroom before the tears started and ended up having to dry heave into the sinks.

The door opened behind him and he stood quickly, wiping at his mouth even though nothing had come out. “Sorry, I—”

“Albus…”

It was Scorpius.

“Oh. Go away.” There was no bite. There never could be, not with Scorpius.

“Al, I figured it would be okay, since you knew…”

Albus caught his eye in the reflection, and it was if he was staring at a stranger. Scorpius looked apologetic, guilty, but not the way he did when he yelled at Albus third year for breaking a quill; not the way he did when they talked about the Adventure, and Craig; not the way he did when he spoiled his birthday surprise by opening Albus’s trunk a little too early in second year. This wasn’t his best friend coming to apologize for scaring him, or for dating his cousin without telling him. It wasn’t the Scorpion King either, though; Albus didn’t know who it was. It was a version of Scorpius he didn’t know, which he never thought would happen. He stared at this stranger, confused and scared, until the stranger stepped forward and he flinched.

“Al…”

“Albus.”

Scorpius’s face fell. Albus’s stomach twisted and he broke their eye contact finally.

“...Albus, then, I’m sorry.”

“If I don’t accept it are you going to threaten me again?”

Scorpius sucked in a sharp breath. “I didn’t...I didn’t mean to scare you, the other night, you were just being unreasonable—”

“ _ Unreasonable _ ?”

Albus spun, his bag flying off his shoulder. Scorpius stepped away, eyes wide.

“I was being  _ unreasonable _ ? I heard my best friend and my cousin  _ shag _ , after we hadn’t talked for  _ months _ , and I wanted to keep up the tradition, because why  _ not  _ at that point—”

“Albus—”

“ _ I’m not finished! _ ”

His chest was cracking open, feeling freer and lighter with every word. He wasn’t sad anymore; he was pissed.

“I had to make do with my best friend  _ abandoning  _ me, and when he started treating me like anyone else, like some fucking  _ stranger _ ,  _ my  _ reaction was  _ unreasonable _ ? What did I ever do to you? What could I have  _ possibly  _ done to deserve that?”

Scorpius made a noise, and—

_ Oh _ .

_ There  _ was his Scorpius, the scared eleven year old from the train, the twelve year old dissolving into tears at “Voldemort’s Son!” written on his trunk, the thirteen year old sobbing because of his mum— _ that _ was his Scorpius, scared, distraught at the mere idea of losing his best friend. He watched as this sixteen year old melted away into his younger version, grabbing at his arms to keep his shoulders from shaking too hard.

“I—Albus, I didn’t mean to—”

“Do you know how much it  _ hurt _ ?” Albus asked, softer this time, deflating. His anger was dissipating; he felt guilty at the idea of having made his best friend cry, no matter the circumstances. “And I still don’t know what I did…”

His head dropped and this time when Scorpius stepped forward, he contained his flinch, and let Scorpius come stand next to him.

“You...Al, it wasn’t...it’s not—”

The door to the bathroom swung open and Scorpius jumped away. Albus didn’t even have to look to know he was composing himself, pulling himself up straight, giving off the Malfoy aura again. It didn’t matter who came through that door; they’d broken whatever moment was about to happen.

“Stay  _ away  _ from my brother.”

James had his wand drawn, eyes blazing, and—god, with the glasses, he looked just like their father, ready to defend his family at any cost.

“We were just talking, Potter, lay off.”

Yeah. The Scorpion King had returned.

“Talking ends in him crying? Albus, did he touch you? Are you okay?”

James touched his shoulder and Albus flinched automatically, still reeling from the fact that––yes, he was in fact crying. He suddenly felt drained, dizzy, even, and he couldn’t figure out why.

“He––he didn’t, no, he didn’t touch me…”

“He’s just being dramatic.”

“Shut it, Malfoy!” James sent a warning hex at Scorpius and Albus automatically grabbed at his arm.

“James, don’t––”

“You just attacked me!”

Scorpius whipped out his wand too and Albus gasped, his hands starting to shake as he desperately tried to drag James away.

“James, James, no, please, come on, please—”

“You want to duel, Potter?”

“ _ James _ , please, let’s go, please, come on—”

James pushed Albus off, but only so he could grab Albus’s bag and escort his brother out.

“You’re lucky my love for my brother exceeds my hate for you, Malfoy. If I find out you made him cry again, you won’t get off so easy.”

“He made himself cry, idiot!”

James slammed the bathroom door behind them, hugging Albus immediately.

“What happened? What did he say?”

Albus couldn’t respond, he could barely breathe––his vision was swimming with his last glimpse of Scorpius, tall and intimidating, wand drawn, eyes murderous––

“Albie, hey, look at me, I’m right here, he’s not going to hurt you, I swear, okay?”

Nothing was helping. He was stuck seeing the same image over and over again, imagining what would have come next––something simple, classic, a bat-bogey hex? Or something worse? Scorpius struggled at offense spells, but that was before––

“Albus, please, look at me, alright?”

––and who had he been  _ aiming  _ at? James, certainly, was at the top of the list, but that’s not where his wand had been pointed––

“Albus!”

He collapsed, dry sobs shaking his chest. He kept trying to get air into his lungs but nothing was working. He’d forgotten how to breathe, how to process oxygen, and he heard himself hyperventilating but it was doing nothing for him. His hands were vibrating and he could barely control them, trying to grab James back but slipping off when they couldn’t find purchase. Dimly, he saw the bathroom door open, and then his vision went dark for a few moments. When it came back, James was holding him in a tight hug, the two huddled against the wall on the floor, and someone else was holding his hands, keeping them from convulsing straight off his body. His breath was steadier and he finally relaxed, feeling James release a sigh.

“Albie? Are you with us?”

He nodded, slowly, burrowing his head into James’s shoulder. James hugged him even tighter, rubbing his shoulders, kissing the top of his head.

“It’s okay, you’re alright…”

“Al, I’m sorry…”

Albus jumped, ripping his hands away from Scorpius, his eyes going wide when they landed on the blond. Scorpius was definitely back to himself––thin, anxious, unsure––and he drew his hands back as well, letting them rest in his lap.

“S-Scorp?”

James’s jaw popped with how hard he clenched it. “I told him to leave, but he insisted on staying.”

Scorpius bowed his head. “I didn’t...I didn’t mean to make things worse, Al, I didn’t…”

Albus glanced at James. He wore the same expression that the Scorpion King did, but with more heart, less ice. It didn’t scare Albus the way the Scorpion King did.

“It doesn’t matter, the point is you scared the fuck out of him, now leave him alone.”

He was starting to hyperventilate again, his mind reeling with images of Scorpius hexing them then and there, of what would happen when he went back to their shared room tonight––it would be the perfect place for Scorpius to kill him, if he so desired, or at least torture him––

“Albie, hey, look at me, please—”

He scuttled back, away from James, trying to control his breathing. It got worse when Scorpius reached for him too and he began to mutter a series of ‘no’s, shaking his head and scooting as far away as he could. Nothing would help him. He couldn’t be touched, he couldn’t be left alone, he couldn’t be talked to, he couldn’t be put in silence…

“Al?”

His vision was going dark again every time Scorpius spoke to him, reached for him, anything. He wondered how he was going to survive the rest of the year, or the rest of his time at Hogwarts, if this was going to be his reality.

“Albus?”

Another voice––light, airy...Rose, perhaps? It didn’t matter. It was too much. He passed out, again, praying that this time things would make sense when he woke up.

—

They didn’t.

Several figures were standing at the end of his bed, yelling back and forth––was that his father? Or James? He couldn’t tell––and someone blonde raised his wand, sent off some green light, and turned to Albus––

—

He woke up with a start, again, clutching at his chest as if it was being crushed, but nothing was there. He was alone, though, which was a nice change of pace; he could take his time and breathe, in his own time, and it was better. A few minutes after he managed to start breathing properly the nurse came around the corner with a bright smile and a glass that eased his anxiety even more, making him feel more like himself than he had in...years, really. Since before the Adventure.

It was nearly half four in the morning, which meant Albus had been asleep for the better part of...what was that, twenty hours? That last attack was a bad one, certainly, to have knocked him out for that long. He felt calmer, though, with the medicine in his system. He could think clearly. And all he could think about was what was going to happen in the morning.

—

The Great Hall went silent when he walked in, again. James was with him this time, of course, but there was no need to protect him. Rose and Scorpius were nowhere to be found. 

Classes were the same way; the two of them had seemingly vanished off the face of the earth. Not that it was unwelcome. Albus felt himself finally able to relax, a combination of the medicine and lack of stressors. Nobody was going out of their way to yell at or curse him, and it wasn’t awkward when he had to pair up with someone for class, as very few people were acting like they hated him. He was almost excited when one of the Hufflepuffs invited him to the party that night. Not that he particularly wanted to go, but it would be better than sitting alone in his room all night. 

Scorpius, of course, was not invited to the party, everyone told him. Albus was going to be included and allowed to have fun, since they needed a token Slytherin in their groups, so…

Still, though, Albus tried not to be surprised when Rose and Scorpius showed up anyway. They weren’t holding hands, and in fact looked as though they’d both been crying; word through the grapevine spread quickly that they’d broken up only a short while ago, and Scorpius was on the prowl again. Albus didn’t know what to say to Rose, if anything, so he avoided her awkwardly, bouncing around and doing everything possible to not talk to her. That meant after about an hour, he was bound to have run out of people to talk to, so he would be left with either Rose or Scorpius as an option. As it turned out, Rose left before he could make the awkward trek, leaving him with...Scorpius. 

He was leaning against the wall, surveying, much too confident for who he was supposed to be. His gaze softened when it landed on Albus across the room, but that didn’t make Albus feel any better. In fact, it made his stomach turn, and his skin crawled when he saw Scorpius beckon him over. But he went obediently, as if compelled by his cool and collected demeanor. 

“I won’t bring her back tonight if you help me pick her.”

Albus felt sick. Scorpius looked so satisfied, so predatory, so...unlike himself. Not for the first time, he wondered if this was someone polyjuiced as his best—his  _ ex  _ best friend.

“You’re sick. Not even two hours—”

“Rose and I were never anything serious.”

“Could have fooled her.”

Scorpius glanced at Albus, something flashing across his face. Was it pity? Guilt? Albus’s stomach turned again.

“Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff? One of the younger years, of course, you’ve single handedly turned our entire year against me.”

“You realize how pedo-y you sound right now, right?”

Scorpius’s look was sharper this time, icier. Albus took a chance and glared right back. It seemed to take Scorpius back, being challenged, and he deflated.

“I need a distraction. A respectable one.” He turned his gaze back to the party, looking but not seeing. Albus kept staring at him, expecting to see his best friend return, but...there was nothing. Scorpius remained closed off and stoic.

“Distraction from what?”

“Rose.”

“Seems you did care about her after all, then.”

Scorpius didn’t even bother to look that time. He just shrugged, taking a swig from his cup.

“She was enough, for the time. And now I need something else.”

“Enough? What does that mean, enough?”

Scorpius didn’t respond. Albus took a deep breath and turned, ready to stalk off, but Scorpius grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

“See her, the ginger, in the corner? How do you feel about her? Think she’d like to be mine?”

“Nobody wants to be your  _ anything _ , Scorpius,” Albus spat, yanking his arm away. “Not anymore.”

“You still want to be my friend,” Scorpius said, grabbing Albus again, more forcefully. “I  _ know  _ you do.”

“I  _ don’t _ , actually,” Albus hissed. Scorpius’s face froze, caught between anger and—was that fear? “I would be quite happy to never speak to you again, after everything, now let go of me.”

Scorpius faltered, then clenched tighter. “No.”

“Let  _ go of me _ !”

The entire party turned as Albus ripped his arm away again, staggering back at his lack of balance. Scorpius looked almost horrified, but more shocked. Was it at Albus’s blatant disobedience? At his tone?

“ _ Albus _ …”

Scorpius sounded broken, like something had snapped, some kind of support that Albus was holding up inside of him. It was as if he was depending on being able to come back to Albus any time he wanted, but now...now Albus had ended that. Permanently, it seemed.

“Albie?”

That was James, breaking through the crowd. He stepped between Scorpius and Albus with his wand drawn, a familiar scene. Scorpius didn’t bother to draw his own wand; he put his hands up and backed away, toward the exit of the common room. People stepped away as far as they could to let him go. When he got to the door he paused, looking around, but didn’t say anything—perhaps he feared he would be attacked again, or someone would start to yell at him—he always hated when people yelled at him—

Albus, meanwhile, couldn’t rip his eyes away from his arm where Scorpius had grabbed him. Was he bruising? It felt as though Scorpius’s hand had left a permanent burn, some kind of invisible imprint on his arm, the pressure and the heat still present even though Scorpius was long gone. He struggled to take in a breath, knowing Scorpius didn’t actually threaten him that time, but it was hard; it took him several minutes before he could focus on anything but his arm. James was still with him, keeping him protected from the crowd, the way a big brother should.

“Albie? You with us yet?”

“He...he didn’t hurt me, I’m sorry, I just…”

“Hey, hey, no apologies, you’re okay. I’m here for you, what do you need?”

Albus finally looked up, clutching his arm to his chest. “Can...can we go back to yours? I don’t want—”

“Absolutely, yeah, come on.”

—

He didn’t know how long the note had been on his bed, but it was definitely there. He read it again, trying to make sense of it. 

_ Al, _

_ I really need to have a conversation with you but I guess it’s too late now. I   
_ _ would still like to explain, if you’d let me, but it has to be somewhere private—more   
_ _ private than this, anyway. I’ve been spending a lot of time in the alcoves near the   
_ _ astronomy tower, so if you’re willing to give me a chance, that’s where I’ll be.  _

_ Picked up some pepper imps for you. I’m not allowed them anymore, but I   
_ _ know you used to like them, so I hope they don’t go to waste.  _

It was signed “Scorpius”, but there was no way it was from him. If it was… Frankly, Albus was starting to get whiplash from Scorpius’s changing personalities. 

And what did that  _ mean _ , he wasn’t “allowed” pepper imps? His father never had a problem with his sweet tooth before. Idly, Albus popped one into his mouth, relishing in how it tasted like home—like his friendship with Scorpius. 

He had a big decision to make. Did he go? What was so bad about what he had to say that it had to be confided in such secrecy? He doubted it would excuse anything, but...part of him wanted to hear Scorpius out anyway. He stuck his hand in the back and swished his fingers through the candy. Scorpius had been his best friend for six years now, going on seven, and this change in personality was so drastic that something serious had to have happened. And it wasn’t someone else pretending to be Scorpius, because he saw the shell crack and his best friend come through, so…

He barely registered the door opening, assuming it was one of the other boys. After a few seconds he decided he  _ would  _ go and find Scorpius, if just to give himself a bit of closure, so he grabbed his wand and the candy and stood to make his way to the door.

But there Scorpius was, frozen in the doorway, his eyes on the candy in Albus’s hand. They stood in silence for a few seconds before Albus coughed and Scorpius jumped. 

“I was—on my way to find you, actually,” Albus said awkwardly, fiddling with the bag. Scorpius’s mouth twitched. 

“Tomorrow?” he said stiffly. “Filch just caught me out after hours.”

Albus instinctively looked at Scorpius’s bed, where they’d had plenty of serious conversations before, but Scorpius gave the barest shake of his head. He was serious about the privacy thing, then.

“...tomorrow,” Albus confirmed, pretending he wasn’t disappointed. He turned and crawled back onto his bed, drawing the curtains quickly, trying not to picture exactly what Scorpius was doing on the other side. 

—

That night, his dream went a bit sideways. 

It started like they always did; he was playing quidditch, only they were using muggle balls to play, and nobody knew the rules. Somehow, he scored a goal that ended the game, and his team won, or something...it morphed into a party, which was new. He wasn’t drunk but everyone was treating him like he was. He climbed the stairs to his room, a familiar place, and collapsed on his bed, only someone was already in it. They started kissing him almost immediately, flipping them over and pinning Albus to the bed, getting him hot and bothered, touching him in all the right places…

He saw a flash of blonde above him and his companion was thrown away. He saw through his fogged mind that it had been Craig, and his heart panged. But then there was a flash of green light and Craig fell the same way he did when Delphi—

The attacker turned and Albus screamed. Scorpius’s eyes burned into him, thrilled, glad to have staked his claim on Albus permanently, raising his wand to—

—

Albus woke up screeching Scorpius’s name, but not the way he normally did. It took him a moment to remember he was back in his own bed and James wouldn’t be running to his side. Scorpius, however, did. 

“Al? Hey, hey, what’s going on?”

Albus threw himself back, his vision going dark. He couldn’t breathe. The world—what he could see of it, anyway—was spinning so fast he felt like he was going to vomit. Scorpius reached for him again and Albus was helpless, letting himself get pulled into an embrace—one that had once been so comforting, now horrifically vile. He started to dry heave and suddenly his face was in a trash can, ready to catch anything that came up. But there was nothing. He just kept convulsing and crying, intermittently jerking away when Scorpius muttered something to him. As he came back around, he noticed his roommates were there too, handing him water and a towel to clean himself up. They were sharing glances and glaring at Scorpius, but Scorpius stayed steady, rubbing up and down Albus’s arm and holding him together, as if his pieces were going to fly apart at any second. Maybe they were. His rational mind was kicking back online, telling him—Scorpius had never actually hurt him, never had any intention of hurting him, he was safe. It was okay. 

“Al?”

PJ glared at Scorpius, putting the towel down on the bed. “ _ Albus _ , are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?”

Albus buried his head in his hands, bringing his shoulders up. Scorpius loosened his grip but not by much.

“Take your time, Albus, it’s okay.”

He took a shaky breath, trying to compose his thoughts before he said something idiotic. It didn’t work.

“He killed Craig,” Albus croaked, wiping at his face. “Scorp—Scorp killed Craig.”

Scorpius went still. He heard PJ and Carter gasp softly and he rubbed at his face, coming out of his shell.

“We were up here, and Craig and I were—something, I don’t know, and Scorp ripped him off and...he didn’t actually…”

Carter had gone pale while PJ had veins popping out of his forehead, glaring at Scorpius still. 

“In your dream?” Carter clarified. Albus nodded, unconsciously leaning back against Scorpius.

“Scorp couldn’t—he couldn’t hurt anyone, don’t worry.” Albus laughed wetly. He felt Scorpius relax behind him. “I’m sorry I woke you guys, I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s alright, Al, it’s fine,” Scorpius murmured. Albus almost didn’t jump.

“What time is it?”

“About two thirty, do you want some more water or something?”

“Uh—no, I’m—I’m okay, thanks…”

The conversation tapered off as PJ and Carter went back to their own beds, but Scorpius didn’t move. He kept holding Albus, rubbing circles into his arm, keeping him warm…

Once they were alone, Scorpius tugged the curtains so they had a bit of privacy, and released his hold on Albus almost completely.

“I was the bad guy?”

Albus finally looked at him, noticing how tired he looked, as if he hadn’t been sleeping at all. He even seemed to look ashamed, as if he really took Albus’s dream to heart.

“I think...I think I’m just stressed,” Albus said softly. He turned so he was leaning against Scorpius again, missing the warmth. Scorpius was stiff this time.

“I was the bad guy?” he repeated. Albus closed his eyes, suddenly overtaken with tiredness.

“...yeah.”

Scorpius went silent again, and Albus let his head rest on his shoulder, letting him believe that things were okay again. Distantly, he heard Scorpius say something else, but he was already drifting off.

—

His dream, this time, was dirty.

It started at the party the other night, when Scorpius had been looking for a distraction. Except this time, he didn’t set his sights on a ginger, he set his sights on Albus.

“What about you then? Fancy a ride with the Scorpion King? I do need a good distraction, and you...well. You fit the bill.”

Albus’s mouth ran dry as Scorpius traced his thumb along Albus’s bottom lip. He felt bewitched, entranced, compelled to follow Scorpius up to the astronomy tower. He didn’t want to say no when Scorpius demanded he take his shirt off, his trousers, his pants as well... He let Scorpius push him up against the walls, holding him into the poster of the Scorpius constellation, his fingers dancing across Albus’s skin, his lips following…

—

When he woke up, the bed was cold, and so was his heart.

It had been a very long time since Scorpius had appeared in a dream like that, long enough that he’d convinced himself his silly crush was over and done with. But that didn’t feel like a stale crush; it felt like a part of him was screaming, begging Albus to stop ignoring it. That part of him was desperate for some kind of attention, some kind of acknowledgement, because ordinarily, it wouldn’t have seemed as big of an issue to casually slip to Scorpius that he was in love with him, and expect it to be returned. He wasn’t stupid. He had noticed at the end of their fourth year the way Scorpius’s eyes lingered when Albus changed, the way his hand rested on Albus’s for a little too long when they both reached for something; he was hyper aware of all of this, because Albus was doing it too. He loved touching Scorpius when he least expected it, loved watching him jump then relax when he saw it was Albus, loved knowing Scorpius felt safe around him. Fifth year he was too caught up in classes and just trying to survive, but he also didn’t want to risk messing things up. He loved things as they were. They’d hug, they’d cuddle, they’d have discussions late into the night about anything at all just so they didn’t have to stop talking…

The beginning of sixth year saw them falling into the same routine, happy to be with each other, but Albus wasn’t scared anymore. Over Christmas he’d had somewhat of a revelation, one that hit him hard: he was  _ in love _ with Scorpius. It was no longer just a stupid crush. When he came back he planned to find the perfect time—maybe around Valentine’s Day...but then Scorpius had freaked and Albus had lost the best thing in his life, so he’d assumed his brain would catch up soon.

It clearly hadn’t. Not with the way that dream had presented itself.

He took a cold shower and prayed his mind would behave the rest of the day.

—

That night, instead of heading to James’s room after dinner, he wandered up to the astronomy hallway, hoping he’d get lucky. He did. Scorpius was hunched over in one of the window seats, writing an essay furiously; he knew it was an essay because he never held his arm so carefully off the parchment unless it was something for a grade. The way he was writing—quick, careful, but with purpose—it had to have been for History of Magic, one of his favorite subjects to analyze. He stood for a moment, watching Scorpius write, before he coughed to make himself known.

“I—oh, thank god it’s you, thought it was Filch again…”

Scorpius shuffled his papers and made space across from him. Albus sat down carefully.

“Wasn’t actually sure you were going to come,” Scorpius mumbled as he fiddled with his books, closing some of his things up. “I thought after last night, the dream and all, you wouldn’t want to see me again? And nobody’s letting you sit next to me in class anymore—I understand, of course, with everything, but it’s a bit lonely, I suppose, I’ve never been without a constant seat partner before… It must be nice for you, to have the support? Not that—I’m not bitter, not upset, I swear,  _ I  _ understand, believe me—”

Albus put his hand on top of Scorpius’s and the blond stopped short, looking up with his wide doe eyes. Albus grinned in spite of himself; that was his best friend,  _ his  _ Scorpius. He wasn’t lost entirely.

“Scorpius.”

“Al?”

“Hi.”

Scorpius’s face melted into a wide smile. “Hi.”

They sat there for a moment before Albus drew his hand back and dropped his bag to the floor. He wasn’t sure how to go about this. Did he pretend things were normal? Ask outright? As if reading his mind, Scorpius sighed and started playing with his hands.

“I owe you an explanation. That’s why you’re here, right?”

“I missed you,” Albus said softly. It wasn’t an answer. Scorpius just nodded.

“I—over Christmas...look, Al, I don’t expect you to forgive me, and I don’t really want you to, but...it makes me sick to not be with you, so—”

“Scorp.”

“Huh?”

Albus smiled again and Scorpius blushed, ducking his head.

“Right. Sorry. Uh—over Christmas, we had...we had visitors?”

Scorpius paused for a long time, completely lost in thought. Eventually, Albus took his hand, making sure he knew he wasn’t alone. He watched Scorpius take a shaky breath; he no longer looked like his best friend anymore; he looked sad, maybe even a bit scared.

“...uh, you...you know I have an okay relationship with Grandmum, but I’ve never met Granddad before, right?”

“Yeah,” Albus said softly. He had a bad feeling he knew where this was going.

“Well, Granddad...he showed up, for Christmas, with some...friends…”

“Did they hurt you?”

Albus realized that Scorpius had started to cry and his heart broke. Scorpius shook his head, but his heart wasn’t in it.

“...they...they aren’t pleased, that I’m the heir. And...and that I’m friends with you.”

Scorpius went silent again and Albus squeezed his hand. This time, though, Scorpius pulled his hand back.

“Granddad said if he found out I wasn’t acting like...like a Malfoy, by his standards, he’d…it. Wasn’t good. I don’t want to…”

“You don’t have to say, Scorp, it’s okay, I can guess.”

Scorpius took another shaky breath and sat up straight, putting on his Malfoy act again. Albus shrunk, afraid his best friend was going to vanish again, but…

“Apparently, Albus, you’re a very  _ naughty  _ influence on me.”

They paused for a moment before they both burst out laughing. It was nice, and he felt normal for the first time in months. After the laughter died down, Scorpius grabbed Albus’s hand back, letting his facade drop.

“I’m so, so sorry, Albus, I tried, I honestly did, but...Granddad stayed and he’s monitoring my letters to dad, and the teachers are writing too—Professor Grimbley is writing biweekly, and dad keeps telling me not to be seen with you, I’m not sure he understands—”

Albus tuned Scorpius out for a moment, digesting. He’d lost his best friend because of some family issues that he didn’t entirely understand. The Malfoy men were a different breed, not a kind one, except for Scorpius—the odd one out. It made sense that they would try to mold him into something they approved of. But it  _ sucked _ . 

“...you’re not even listening, are you?”

Albus jumped, blushing guiltily. Scorpius giggled softly, squeezing Albus’s hand. 

“Sorry, I…”

“...I know. It’s a lot.”

“...we can’t fix it, can we?”

Scorpius’s smile dimmed. “I...I don’t think so. Not until I can get out on my own. We—we could move somewhere really far, where my name doesn’t mean jack shit, and…”

“...we?”

Albus’s heart was flipping again. It was unfair that this was essentially illegal, completely unfair that he’d lost his best friend and was expected to be okay with it when he was saying things like that.

“...yeah, we. Us. I couldn’t imagine going out into the world with anyone else.”

Albus chewed on the information for a moment before he sighed and looked at Scorpius.

“You said your Granddad brought friends?”

“...yeah.”

“Some of his old friends? From...you know…”

Scorpius froze.

“Albus.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Albus, I can’t answer that.”

“I could get my dad involved, he could investigate—get them sent away, so you could—”

“ _ Albus _ .” Scorpius clenched his fists, his face turning stony. “That’s my family you’re talking about.”

Albus cocked his head. “But—they aren’t letting you—”

“They’re still  _ family _ .”

“So you’re just giving up? You’re going to not speak to me for—what, another year and a half, and then expect them to be okay with us just moving away together?”

“I wouldn’t tell them about you,  _ obviously _ .”

It was Albus’s turn to get angry. “So I’m just your dirty little secret then? You expect me to follow you wherever the hell you want to go and not say a word to anyone in case it gets back to your good ole Granddad, and just—live like that? Have you lost your  _ mind _ ?”

“It’s—it’s more complicated than that, Albus, please try to understand—”

“All I’m hearing is that I’ve lost my best friend, for good. There’s no complication to that.”

Albus stood up, grabbing his bag. Scorpius winced, dropping his head, looking ashamed—at least he had the decency for that.

“I don’t have a  _ choice _ , Albus,  _ please _ ...”

His voice echoed in the hallway as Albus stormed off. Scorpius sounded broken again, sad, as if Albus leaving was the end of him. Maybe it was. But knowing that Scorpius wasn’t even going to attempt to make things right anymore, knowing that at every turn he’d lost his best friend...it hurt too much. He found himself at the door of the infirmary with no memory of walking himself there. The nurse looked confused.

“Mr. Potter? Are you feeling alright?”

He opened his mouth to respond and his knees gave out instead. The nurse rushed over, helping him to a bed. He didn’t even realize he had started crying until she gave him a calming drought.

“Mr. Potter, are you injured?”

He shook his head no, ignoring how it made the world spin faster.

“What happened?”

He just shook his head again. If he opened his mouth, he was sure he would vomit. He didn’t want to admit he was having a panic attack, but he was, and he was  _ lucid _ , which was almost worse. Was it the draught? Or his brain just not wanting to accept the possibility that Scorpius—that he—

He felt hollow. It was very hard for him to find a reason to continue on. But then James and Lily appeared, as if their sibling-senses had tingled, and they grounded him, at least for the night. If he didn’t have Scorpius, at least he had his family.

—

He didn’t sleep in the Slytherin dorm anymore.

Polly Chapman kept sending him nasty looks when he walked out of the Gryffindor common room with James every morning, but he still wore his green proudly, so it wasn’t like he was switching houses entirely. He just...needed the space.

Scorpius had found himself with a nice Ravenclaw girlfriend, pretty and quiet, holding hands and being generally background. Albus chewed his lip so hard he bled the first class they had together; she was holding Scorpius’s hand and Scorpius was flitting his eyes between that and Albus nervously. Albus did his best to ignore it but it wasn’t working, so by the time the charms professor told them to write a short-answer essay to turn in at the end of class, his parchment was covered in little dots of blood. He had to ask for another sheet, embarrassingly, but the Ravenclaw he was seated with didn’t judge him, thank goodness.

He ran into Scorpius one night a few weeks later when he went to grab his toothpaste. He’d been using James’s, but they’d run out, and Albus felt guilty knowing he had his own mostly full tube in his dorm, so he went to grab it. Scorpius was standing ominously in the middle of the room, facing Albus’s bed. Albus walked straight past, completely ignoring him. When he came back out of the bathroom, Scorpius was watching him. He froze, his hands starting to shake, then glanced at his own bed to see what Scorpius had been staring at.

Albus had made his bed before he left, the morning he went to talk to Scorpius, and in theory it hadn’t been touched since then. But the bed now was slept in. Not by Albus, no. He looked back up at Scorpius, who...who looked as though he had been crying. 

Albus clenched his jaw, squeezing his toothpaste, and stalked out again.

April faded into May, then the end of the semester arrived and with it their return to their respective homes. It was a lonely summer; James had graduated and taken an offer with one of the Quidditch teams in America, so he left almost immediately after they got home, and Lily locked herself in her room to start studying for her O.W.L.s, or so she said. That left Albus to his own devices, and with no owls to wait for from Scorpius, he spent most of his time in bed.

Halfway through June his mother knocked on the door. It had been going on thirteen days since he’d left his room, and the last time he did was to steal a chocolate frog from James’s room. He’d been living off of it since then, nibbling a little bit every day, only getting up to go to the bathroom when necessary, then curling up in his blanket nest again. He couldn’t stop thinking about Scorpius, no matter how hard he tried to block it out.

The last time he’d spoken to his ex best friend, he’d been horrible. He’d shut him out, refused to even try to understand, even though clearly Scorpius wanted some kind of support. But, Albus kept asking himself, what kind of support could Albus give if they weren’t even allowed to be friends? If they weren’t allowed to speak? His heart ached, so much, missing his best friend, but what could he have done? Scorpius had said it wasn’t meant to be excused or forgiven. Just to inform. At least he’d gotten what he wanted, Albus supposed, a life without Albus, so he could be the proper heir. The perfect Malfoy son. Perfect Scorpius Malfoy with his perfect girlfriend and—

“Albus, sweetheart?”

Right. His mother, at the door.

“Hm?”

He grunted, hopefully loud enough for her to hear. She opened the door and the sweet smell of something wafted in. In spite of himself, his stomach growled.

“I brought up a sandwich for you. We haven’t seen you in...in a few days.”

Albus sat up slowly, giving her as much of a smile as he could manage. He didn’t realize how weak he felt until faced with the prospect of actually getting out of bed. Luckily, his mother managed to catch on and brought it to him. She sat with him and began to stroke his hair as he ate, letting the silence settle comfortably. Once he was finished she kissed his temple.

“Did something happen at school?”

He dropped his head onto her shoulder, shrugging. He hadn’t been able to tell her when it was going on; how was he going to be able to tell her now?

“Scorp,” he said simply. “His granddad won’t let us be friends anymore.”

He felt her sigh. “Your father said that might be the case.”

“What?” He sat up again, straighter, ignoring the headache coming on. “Dad knew?”

“Your father knew Lucius was at Malfoy Manor again,” his mother said softly. “And that it was sure to take a toll on Scorpius, somehow. Was he saying anything to you? Being awful?”

“More or less,” he mumbled, dropping his head again. “They...I think they hurt him, or threatened to, if he didn’t...size up. Or something.”

She just nodded. “Have you heard from him?”

“We haven’t talked since...since March. Or April. Something like that.”

She leaned forward conspiratorially. “You didn’t hear this from me, but...you ought to write him.”

“What? Why?”

His blood ran cold. Had the Ministry gone after the Malfoys? Scorpius would never forgive him if—

“They got word yesterday he left the Manor, and almost immediately he turned himself in. He wouldn’t say why. But he kept saying he had no grandson. That the Malfoy line was finished with Draco.” At Albus’s now pale face, she tutted. “He’s alive, they sent someone to check. And he’s alright. But I know he would love to hear from you. Just don’t say anything about Lucius, alright? Word hasn’t reached the press yet.”

Albus nodded softly. His mother kissed his temple again, being the wonderful woman she always was, and left him to his devices.

—

He wanted to write. He honestly did. But he couldn’t find the words.

Three more days went by before his mother came back with another sandwich. He’d been sat at his desk for ages, quill in hand so long the initial dip of ink had dried out, and the page was still entirely blank. He couldn’t even bring himself to write Scorpius’s name.

His mother dropped the sandwich off and said she’d be back in an hour and to ask if he needed any help. He just nodded.

Eventually, he wrote  _ something _ .

_ Scor, _

_ Missing you. Hope you’re well. _

_ Al _

He couldn’t think of anything else to say, so he sent it off after about two hours of deliberation. He doubted he’d hear anything back, but he waited at the window anyway.

That was Thursday. Sunday, a reply returned, lengthy and thick the way only Scorpius’s letters were.

_ Albus!! _

_ I’m so glad to hear from you. I’ve been going crazy cooped up in this place,   
_ _ and not even being able to talk to you has been killing me. Everything is okay now!   
_ _ I had a nasty fight with Granddad that ended with me sticking up for myself—me,   
_ _ sticking up for myself! Can you even imagine? Dad says I was brilliant, I held myself   
_ _ like a true Malfoy, and that’s why Granddad backed off. You would have been so proud   
_ _ of me—your mother too, I used her bat-bogey hex as a defense. Granddad hardly   
_ _ knew what to do with himself. He made this face (remind me to show you when I see   
_ _ you in September) that’s kept me laughing for days. _

_ I find myself very lucky to have gotten away mostly unscathed, except for   
_ _ this nasty mark on my shoulder where I ran into a candlestick. I asked Dad not to heal   
_ _ it so I can show you. Is that weird? I hope it isn’t. I’ve missed you quite a lot. I don’t   
_ _ know if you’d heard but I nearly failed a few of my exams this year. I don’t mean a few  
_ _ points under an A*. I mean it was bad enough that they almost asked me to repeat the   
_ _ year. Suzie was great but a horrible study partner. She despised any kind of talking,   
_ _ which meant she hated the way I had to read out loud to revise… I really don’t know   
_ _ what I was pretending to see in her. That’s over, by the way. _

_ I also never really got to apologize to you about the whole thing with Rose   
_ _ in January. You deserved better than that, a proper explanation at the least, and I   
_ _ didn’t give you that. It kills me. I really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it   
_ _ since it happened. I may never forgive myself for hurting you that night, or the night   
_ _ I forced you to accept my apology. What was I even thinking? I was becoming the   
_ _ person I hated the most—my Granddad. Oh boy, when he got the letter about what   
_ _ happened, he was ecstatic. I wanted to kill myself. I guess that’s really what set the   
_ _ tone for the rest of the semester. I was so lonely without you. I didn’t know what to   
_ _ do with myself. Rose wasn’t that wonderful of a girlfriend (you should ask her and   
_ _ see what she has to say) and neither were any of the other girls I tried with. I most   
_ _ definitely do not like girls, at all. Their bits are...weird. And quite squishy. Not in a   
_ _ good way. _

_ Not that I ever got the chance to explore with a boy, ever. Dad would have a   
_ _ conniption. I’m thinking this year, though, I’ll set the record straight and let everyone   
_ _ know I like guys exclusively, just to see what they say. And when it gets back to Dad,   
_ _ well...I’ll burn that bridge if I get to it! Ha ha. _

_ I didn’t really mean to come out to you just then, but I guess I have now, hah.   
_ _ I hope you don’t hate me. Though if I return in September and you’ve changed rooms   
_ _ permanently I’ll understand. Especially after I slept in your bed for so long. (Oops.   
_ _ I just missed you and the smell of your cologne. It’s quite calming.) _

_ This has started to turn into a bit of a creepfest, I guess, but if you’re still   
_ _ reading I assume you either don’t mind or are presenting this as proof of a restraining   
_ _ order. Either way, I included a few letters I wrote while we weren’t talking in April.   
_ _ This is what I was doing while pretending to study with Suzie. I’d always have to   
_ _ sneak away after to revise by myself, so really I was just wasting time. _

_ I really do miss you so much. I hope you can learn to forgive me, or at least   
_ _ not hate me, eventually. You’re my best friend and you always have been. I thought   
_ _ by following Granddad’s orders I would be keeping you safe. That’s not what happened,   
_ _ clearly. I just hurt you worse instead. Asking you to run off with me secretly after   
_ _ school was dumb as well. I just was at a loss for what to do and at the time that   
_ _ seemed like the only option I had. I would still like to move in with you, after school,   
_ _ if you don’t hate me already. I’d even tell Dad about it, not that he would care. He’s   
_ _ been so sick of me moaning on about you since I got back. _

There was a splotch in the middle of the page, and Albus flipped to the third page to see what had happened.

_ So apparently I fell asleep writing last night. Oops. I’ve just been so excited   
_ _ trying to figure out what to say to you that I ignored how tired I was until I didn’t have   
_ _ a choice. My bad. _

_ I’d been meaning to ask what James was going to do about his Quidditch career.   
_ _ I heard he’d gotten a couple of offers from some places, but I wanted to know what he  
_ _ chose. I hope it’s a bit of a shit team so he can have the satisfaction of bringing them   
_ _ back from the dead. Is Lily excited for next year? I hope she is. _

_ I guess I’m a bit lost for words when I’m not talking about me or you. About   
_ _ you and me, though, I did have something I wanted to say. I really am quite fond of   
_ _ you, and not in a ‘best mates’ sort of way. I mean, that as well, of course, you are my   
_ _ best friend. But if you don’t oppose and hate me, I’d like to be a tiny bit more than that.   
_ _ Like, best mates who go on dates and make out with each other and call each other   
_ _ boyfriends. But only if you wanted. I would understand if not. Rose says I was a   
_ _ horrible boyfriend anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I agree. But still.  _

_ I’ve said it a lot already, but I’d like to say it again. I miss you like hell. And   
_ _ I guess I’m asking if you’d like to be my boyfriend? _

_ I really do talk a lot of shite, don’t I? Here, my letters from April. And one   
_ _ from February as well. Just because I actually kept it. _

_ I think I’m in love with you? Sorry _

_ Best wishes, your friend (your BEST friend), _

_ Scorpius _

Albus was silent for a moment, re-reading the last sentence about ten times before calmly walking over to his bed, collapsing in it, and screaming into a pillow.

His parents were rushing up the stairs when he started sprinting down them, so he met them halfway.

“Albus? What happened? Are you alright?”

“I’m going to the Malfoy’s,” he said dismissively, running straight past them. His father caught his arm, almost yanking both of them off balance.

“We heard you scream, Albus, what happened?”

“I—Scorpius wrote back, I need to go see him,  _ please _ .”

He caught his mother's eye. She looked concerned.

“Albus, perhaps you ought to write first and see if they’re even accepting visitors?”

“It’s Scorpius, and I’m me, of course they are.”

He tried to pull out of his father’s grasp, but his father didn’t let go.

“With everything that happened they’ve most likely beefed up security, and you can’t Apparate.” His father stopped him before he could open his mouth. “Nor are we opening the Floo system for you.”

“Dad!”

He tried not to sound like a whiny brat. His mother tutted and put her hand on Albus’s shoulder.

“Al, please write first. We aren’t saying no, just not right now. I’m sure the Malfoys aren’t ready for anyone else to enter the house right now either.”

Albus deflated and his sudden burst of energy dissipated quickly. He nearly fell over on the staircase, glad his parents were there to catch him. They carried him up to his room and got him dinner, making sure he was alright before they left for the night. Albus took the time to read all of Scorpius’s letters a few times, smiling and giggling at every dorky thing Scorpius had written to him. His chest, for the first time in months, felt normal, like his lungs and heart were in working order again. He didn’t feel broken anymore. He was going to get his best friend back, come September first, or maybe earlier.

The more the days passed, though, the more it looked like he would have to wait. His parents were steadfast that he wouldn’t be allowed to visit unless he wrote first, but as with the last letter, he couldn’t make himself write anything at all. He had about fifty nearly blank pages, all with Scorpius’s name written on them at the top, but nothing else. It was as if he expected a new page would write itself. It never did. The trip to Diagon Alley in August came sooner than he ever expected and he felt his stomach twist at the thought of running into the Malfoys. Luck, as always, was not on his side. He saw Scorpius the moment he walked into Flourish and Blotts, his hands trailing over the spines of what would soon be his new school books. He’d gotten a new coat, Albus noticed, that fit him better than any of the Hogwarts uniforms, hugged his chest in all the right places…

It hit him why the outfit looked so familiar. It was the Scorpion King outfit, almost to a T, from what Scorpius had described of the dark world.

His hands started to shake and his breathing quickened, and not for the first time this summer, he wished James were there to help. He always knew what to do.

As if on instinct, Scorpius’s head turned sharply and they locked eyes across the shop. Albus had forgotten how to breathe. Who was it going to be? His best friend? Or were the letters all a lie?

He shut his eyes, trying to focus on anything else, but it wasn’t working. He felt the entire shop staring at him, everyone turning to see what the Slytherin Squib was doing, how he was fucking up this time—

Then, a hand was in his, another hand on his face, and a voice cut through the static in his head.

“Al, hey, come on, let’s step out, yeah? Some fresh air?”

He agreed, only because he didn’t know what else to do. He felt the breeze on his face and his lungs seemed to open up again, allowing him to take a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, there was Scorpius, his face kind and open…

“It’s the jacket, isn’t it? Dad insisted on it, but I hate it. Maybe if you vom on it he’ll let me toss it?”

It was  _ Scorpius _ .  _ His  _ Scorpius, his  _ best friend _ … Albus was so overcome with joy he threw himself at Scorpius, pulling him into a tight hug and starting to sob into his shoulder. There was no hesitation; Scorpius wrapped his arms back around Albus, keeping him safe, letting him get it all out.

“My god, I’ve missed you, Al…”

Albus pulled back after a few minutes, wiping at his face, only to see Scorpius smiling crookedly.

“Better?”

Instead of responding, Albus hit Scorpius on the chest, square in the middle, with all of his might. Scorpius stumbled back, clutching the spot, his eyes searching Albus’s face as his smile dropped.

“...Albus?”

“You think—” Albus grabbed Scorpius’s arm, pulling him back. “—that a simple letter—” He pulled Scorpius back into a hug. “—is a good enough excuse to forgive you? Damn it, Scorpius, I missed you so much, I wish you’d just have had the balls to show up and  _ talk  _ to me instead!”

Scorpius laughed, surprised. “I...I thought you might have—”

“Hated you? Then you’re a fucking idiot, I couldn’t hate you if I tried.”

“Albus Severus, you watch your language,” Scorpius teased. Albus pulled back again, his smile returning.

“Why don’t you make me?”

Scorpius blanched. At the same moment, Draco Malfoy exited the bookshop, eyeing the two of them.

“Scorpius? We’ve got to go, or we’ll be late. You can see... _ Albus _ ...next week.”

Albus winced at the distaste in Mr. Malfoy’s voice. Scorpius just stepped back and nodded, looking away from Albus and not looking back. Albus stood there, lost, missing the warmth already.

—

September first.

The beginning of his seventh year.

And he had his best friend back.

They didn’t talk about it; every time Albus alluded to it, Scorpius panicked, so eventually he just...stopped. Verbally, anyway. He relished in grabbing Scorpius’s hand in the hallway, sitting closer than normal at the table in the Great Hall. Scorpius seemed to enjoy it too, even starting to return the gestures shortly after starting. But he never let them talk about it.

It was well into November before Albus got fed up finally and snapped.

They were studying for an Ancient Runes test and Scorpius was reading aloud a particularly difficult chapter. They were sitting on Scorpius’s bed, curtains drawn, across from each other with their knees touching. He kept chewing on his lip when he tripped up or read something he didn’t understand, re-reading it several times before he moved forward and got stuck again. He’d unbuttoned his shirt about an hour and a half ago and lost the tie even before that. He looked disheveled, ravished, even… Albus was just watching him read, enjoying the view, until Scorpius hit him on the head with the book.

“Albus, for the love of god, will you  _ please  _ pay attention?”

“Yes.”

Albus took a deep breath, hoping Scorpius heard his underlying monologue. He didn’t. He just looked annoyed and went back to reading. Albus rolled his eyes, sighing, and took the book out of Scorpius’s hands.

“Albus, I don’t want to fail! What the hell do you think—”

Albus had slowly been making his way into Scorpius’s lap while he protested and finally touched his lips to Scorpius’s, softly.

Scorpius froze under him before his hands wrapped around Albus’s waist, pulling him even closer and tilting his head. It was weird; Albus didn’t really understand why people liked to kiss, as mashing your lips against someone else was probably a bit odd. But it was Scorpius, and he’d make sacrifices, like learning to like kissing.

And then Scorpius pulled him down at the same time he moved up and  _ oh _ , that— _ that _ made sense. He felt so connected, as if he and Scorpius were one, were talking without words, both of them saying  _ I’m here, I love you, this is right _ .

Eventually Albus had to come up for air and Scorpius instinctively followed him with his mouth, until he realized what he’d done and flushed bright red. Albus smiled dopily.

“Hi.”

“Al, holy  _ fuck _ .”

Albus bust out laughing, burying his head in Scorpius’s neck. Scorpius’s chest rumbled with his own laughter, pulling Albus even tighter against him.

“I hope you know I’ve been calling myself your boyfriend in my head since I got your letter,” Albus said softly after a moment. Scorpius froze. “I just...I tried to write, a lot, I just...I couldn’t figure out what to say, I just wanted to see you, but mum and dad said I couldn’t come visit unless I wrote first, so I just…”

“...you don’t hate me.”

“I thought that was pretty much clear, yeah.”

Scorpius huffed a laugh, pushing Albus back far enough that he could see his face. His eyes searched, but Albus wasn’t sure what he was looking for. He just smiled in return, apologetic. Scorpius’s face dropped into something...sad.

“...I’m so sorry.”

Albus’s blood ran cold. Scorpius regretted it. He didn’t mean it, he didn’t really love Albus, did he? He was just pretending to make Albus feel better but he didn’t  _ mean  _ any of it. He was still dating Rose, or Suzie, or some other pretty bird. Albus was just a distraction, just his best mate, but maybe not even that. He’d been replaced somehow. This wasn’t real, was it?

Distantly he heard Scorpius saying something to him, but his eyes had unfocused and he was trying to remember how to take in substantial breaths. This was his worst nightmare. He’d actually managed to ruin everything this time, for sure. He had wanted his best friend back and ended up losing the only good thing he had left. His hands were starting to tremble and his vision was going dark again.

Then Scorpius was kissing him again, helping him breathe, and that...that made sense. That brought Albus back. He’d ruined everything but Scorpius was still there, helping him.

As he came back around, he realized Scorpius had placed their intertwined hands over his heart, so that’s what he focused on. Scorpius’s steady heart, beating strong, alive and healthy, there for...for Albus.

“It’s yours, Al, it always has been, you know that?”

Albus blinked slowly and looked up at Scorpius, trying to keep the fog from overtaking him again. Scorpius had his eyes closed and was resting his cheek on top of Albus’s head, looking pained.

“I don’t know that I’ve ever not loved you. After...after everything, you know, I couldn’t imagine my life without you. God knows I tried, because I didn’t know if you’d feel the same, but...I mean, well, we see how that’s gone.”

Albus laughed softly, nodding.

“You’re it for me, as well.”

Scorpius nodded, as if he already knew. Maybe he did.

“The—the thing with Rose...that was the biggest mistake of my life.”

“Not the  _ biggest _ .”

Scorpius winced, finally opening his eyes.

“The beginning of the biggest.”

“Your biggest mistake was a lot earlier than that, Scorp.”

Scorpius frowned. Albus kissed it away softly.

“You would have been much better off if you’d told me to fuck off first year when I walked into your cabin on the train.”

Scorpius laughed at that, so Albus did too. Scorpius shook his head after a moment.

“...I never got to apologize to you. About Rose. Not in person.”

“...you didn’t like it, did you?”

Scorpius made a retching noise. “ _ God _ no.”

Albus laughed again. “Good.”

“...I’m so sorry. For all of last semester. You deserve better than that, Al, you know that, right?”

Albus just nodded. He didn’t know that, but he would pretend, for Scorpius. Scorpius knew him too well, though, and kissed his forehead softly.

“You do. I wish you would believe me.”

The door opened then and Albus was jolted back to reality. He sat back, still in Scorpius’s lap, but not leaning on him so heavily. Scorpius just stared back at him. Carter and PJ were talking quietly about some assignment.

“...boyfriend?” Albus asked softly. Scorpius took a moment, then grinned.

“Boyfriend.”

—

Frankly, Scorpius was infuriating.

“I just don’t want him to think I’m not supporting him by wearing this!”

He’d been debating the semantics of wearing his favorite red scarf to James’s Quidditch match for nearly an hour. They could have been early and gotten cocktails at this point, Albus grumbled to himself, but no. His boyfriend wanted to stay at home and figure out if he should forego the scarf or wear it anyway, to keep him warm.

“He’s not gonna care, Scorp, it doesn’t have another team on it.”

“That’s true, but what if he sees it from the stands? Misinterprets?”

Albus rubbed his hands over his face. He’d collapsed back on the bed fifteen minutes ago after the third time having this discussion; now they were on round five. He was tired and frankly hadn’t wanted to go to the game at all, but apparently James’s new girlfriend was there and he wanted the entire family to meet her.

“We have ten minutes before I’m leaving,” Albus said after a moment, sitting up to grab his phone off the charger. “Lily’s already pissed that we’re late.”

Scorpius groaned, taking the scarf off again and staring at it. “What’s the temperature going to be like again?”

“Warm _ ish _ , according to mum.”

The last five years had been an absolute whirlwind. They spent most of their seventh year attached at the neck or hip and finished strong. Scorpius had gotten several healing job offers, but he let Albus choose his job first. Albus, surprisingly enough, had gotten an affinity for charms and disillusions, and there was a job working for the French government that had fallen straight into his lap. Scorpius took the healing job at Mungo’s because, as he put it, “Flooing in can’t be that much of an issue, I’m closer than most of their patients anyway!” They moved to Marseilles the summer after they graduated and had been there ever since. This was their third apartment and their nicest one by far; it actually had bedrooms, unlike the other ones. It also had a full length mirror built into one of their closet doors. They could prop it open so on late nights when they were making out Albus could watch them from another angle, which frankly made it all a little bit hotter. But right now, Scorpius was agonizing in front of said mirror, and it wasn’t hot at all. He’d put the scarf back on and was frowning.

“Do you think I ought to change shirts?”

“Okay,” Albus mumbled, finally standing up and stepping in between Scorpius and the mirror. “It’s just a Quidditch game, Scorp, what’s it going to matter if you wear a scarf or not? James knows you support him, he won’t get pissed if you’re wearing something red.”

Scorpius flushed a little, ducking his head. “I just wanted to look nice…”

“You always do, you know that,” Albus murmured, kissing Scorpius’s frown away. It still blew his mind that he could do this, that he’d gotten so lucky as to have Scorpius be  _ his _ . Sometimes he caught Scorpius looking and knew he felt the same way, completely awestruck, completely overwhelmed and drowning in the wonder.

“I love you,” Albus said softly against Scorpius’s lips. Normally he’d take the opportunity to get Scorpius hot and bothered, just for the hell of it, because it was always fun to see how long it took before his family caught on, but not today. Today he was content to just make Scorpius smile and have a good time at the game before dinner tonight.

Where he’d be proposing.

It wasn’t so much that he’d planned on it happening on a specific day or anything. Some people waited for their anniversary, or a birthday, or some other special event, but Albus didn’t see the point. He wanted to make another day to celebrate, so eventually he’d have a full 365 days of anniversaries and celebrations so he and Scorpius could never get bored. It was unrealistic, of course, but that was his goal, so he’d picked tonight—a perfect midpoint between holidays and birthdays—to do it. It also happened to coincide with James’s last Quidditch game with the Fitchburg Finches before he transferred home to the Wimbourne Wasps. Their entire family would be turning out, including Draco, so why not? Albus’s visit to Malfoy Manor a few months back had been nerve wracking but luckily Draco knew exactly why he was there and agreed without much fanfare. A few days after the visit he got an owl with a small package. Scorpius had come home from work to find him sobbing on the couch, but Albus couldn’t tell him why. It was going to surprise Scorpius in the best way, to be proposed to with Astoria’s engagement ring. There wasn’t a day Albus hadn’t picked up the ring and admired it then gone on to admire Scorpius and just how lucky he was.

And today was the day. Scorpius had no idea, of course. Albus’s dad had made sure the restaurant they were going to after the game had a nice balcony so the boys could have some privacy while Albus asked, in case it went south. But nobody had any doubt that Scorpius would say yes, probably tearfully. Lily had been over the moon when she figured it out and James said as long as Albus had the balls to ask, that was all he needed, and it didn’t matter if he won the game or not. He just wanted his little brother happy. Albus had pretended to gag, but only to hide the fact that he was actually tearing up.

All of that was in the future though. Right now, Scorpius was starting to smile again and mumbling about how maybe he should wear the scarf, he could always take it off later, and Albus just smiled.

Things were perfect.


End file.
